The Basket of Cake
by Misao Tsuda
Summary: A funny parody of Edgar Allen Poe's 'The Cask of Amontillado'


1 The Cask of Amontillado  
  
2 (The basket of strawberry cake)  
  
3 From: Edgar Allan Poe  
  
Like my bud Fortunato (long for fortunate) I, Monstresor (long for monster), were Italian cake lovers and a descendant of two wealthy families.  
  
Wait… Sorry, I'm old and moldy, Fortunato isn't my bud, he was my main arch cake lover enemy. He was a haughty old man who believed himself superior over all human beings, but knowing that I could not ask the police to arrest him simply because of his attitude, for it is not illegal to be a snob, a harmless crackpot, or even a downright idiot, and idiot he was. No, I couldn't arrest Fortunato, I had to take action, I would make him pay for all the insults he threw at me, such a friend he was! Of course, I was a smart little doggy, I never threatened Fortunato. No, I kept my evil plans to my self. I would choose a time when Fortunato was high on frosting so I could take my revenge without taking any risk.  
  
One day, while walking down the street of the cat carnival, where everyone dresses in cat costumes and crawls on the ground, eating cake, I saw my not-so-bud Fortunato licking chocolate truffles off a pink frosted vanilla cake.  
  
"Well howdy Fortunato, how frothy you look there on the icing ground. It looks as if the world is a big birthday cake and we are the fat candles!" I said with enthusiasm, then glanced down at my newly bought shoes, they were covered in cake of all sorts.  
  
Fortunato looked up at me, his chubby cheeks filled of sweets. He said something, but I wasn't able to understand.  
  
I cupped my ear with my hand, "Yes? What was that Fortunato?" I asked.  
  
Fortunato took a big gulp and replied, "Hello my dear friend!" He said gleefully.  
  
"I have exciting news for you today." I announced, "I have recently received a new basket of a fine new type of cake. It's a strawberry cake with an odd delicious taste to it."  
  
"Willey (really)?" Fortunato asked, having his mouth full again.  
  
I nodded, "Honestly." I replied.  
  
Fortunato took his time and stood up, for he was very fat from eating cake all his life, I pity people like that.  
  
"And I was wondering if ya wanted to have some, before it all gets eaten." I said slowly.  
  
Fortunato nodded with a sloppy grin on his face.  
  
"Then off we go!" I said, pumping a fist in the air.  
  
Fortunato laughed, making his belly jiggle, "Off we do!" He said heartily. He grabbed my arm and skipped toward my house, dragging me along, but I didn't care, I was to get my revenge, what I've carefully planned for such a long time.  
  
We went inside, finding it empty. All the servants were at the cat carnival. I lit two candles and handed one to Fortunato. I silently lead Fortunato down the stairs to my deep basement. It had to be deep or my tale wouldn't make much since.  
  
We walked down the creaky old stairs. We walked, and walked, and walked, and… Walked!  
  
We passed by my great freezer where I kept all my best cakes.  
  
"What does that mean?" Fortunato asked, pointing to my family crest. It was a picture of a foot stepping on a stake that bit the foot at the ankle. The words Nemo me impune lacessit were carved in pink ink, it reminded me of frosting.  
  
"Nemo me impune lacessit- don't eat me!" I replied simply.  
  
"Oh, how interesting." Fortunato said and we moved on. He looked tired from all the walking.  
  
"We are almost there my dear friend." I assured, but grudged as I said the word 'friend'.  
  
Fortunato nodded, tiredness sparkling in his eyes.  
  
I looked around and saw my destination ahead, "Common, the cake is just there." I said.  
  
This seemed to enlighten his spirit and grant him new energy.  
  
We both walked over to a burial crypt, the destination. A brown wooden box sat in the crypt, waiting for someone, something to open it.  
  
"The cake." I said.  
  
"The cake."  
  
I gestured for Fortunato to go to the box. "Go ahead, eat, enjoy."  
  
Fortunato greedily walked over to the box and slowly opened it, seeking the delicious cake I told him about.  
  
As he ate the cake, hunched on the floor, I opened several boxes, full of the same sweet cake. I silently pulled the thick and heavy cakes out of their boxes, and stacked them like bricks against the alcove.  
  
My plan was working out as planned, the cake was so large it would take Fortunato a while to finish it, and he wouldn't stop until he had done so. I stacked the cakes with ease, one after another, and soon the cakes blocked any entrance or exit from the crypt, expect for one cake space.  
  
Fortunato finished his cake, just before I was to place in the last of my so-called brick. He gasped in astonishment, "Wa-what are you doing Montresor?" He asked me.  
  
I shrugged, "Paying you back for all the insulates you said to me." I replied light-mindedly, and pushed in the last strawberry cake.  
  
I heard Fortunato nervously fidgeting on the other side, but I just smiled as I stood back and admired my work. I wiped my hands on my jeans, and walked in a relaxed motion to the surface.  
  
Of course, Fortunato got out by eating the cake wall, so we all know who got in trouble!  
  
The End! 


End file.
